


Seventeen Seconds

by Felurian1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Sam Winchester Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 11:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felurian1/pseuds/Felurian1
Summary: FILL for the prompt: Something happens to make Sam think Cas has been killed. He holds it together for everyone else until he has a chance to get away from everyone and then breaks his heart crying. But Cas is ok - he comes in and Sam hugs the shit out of him and won’t let him go.https://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/148468.html?thread=46365428#t46365428





	Seventeen Seconds

It takes 17 seconds for Sam Winchesters heart to break. 

One. Sam picks up the phone on the second ring, it's Cas. Two. There's a voice he doesn't recognise, and it's saying, the man is saying, that if he has any last words for his angel, now is the time. Five. Sams heart drops and in the pit of his stomach he feels that heavy weight of dread, of impending horror, even as his mind starts to cycle through ways to track an angel, ways to track this call, who might be able to help him now Dean's gone. Six. Sam gives the Winchester response to these sons of bitches, that he will find them and kill them if they harm even a hair on Castiels head, and he does it real good, makes it sound convincing. Ten. The voice laughs, and Sam's vision is narrowing to just him and this phone and the blood racing through his veins and his hands are shaking because he can't lose anyone else he just can't. Thirteen. There is enough time for him to hear Cas yell “SAM!” with that note of panic and pain in his voice and then there is a sound that Sam thinks he will hear for the rest of his life, a wet sound like slicing meat, and then silence. Seventeen. The phone goes dead. 

"Sam? Is everything okay with Castiel?"

Maggies voice breaks through the buzzing in Sam's ears, the raw panic rising in him because he thinks, and he doesn't want to but he thinks maybe he just heard an angel die, but Maggie is talking to him and now the refugees are all looking at him and he's Sam Freakin Winchester so he blinks.

"Yeah Maggie, everything's fine. Cas was just checking in is all."

Maggie looks relieved and that's good, that means he managed to keep his voice level, his arms folded to disguise the shaking that now won't stop no matter how hard he tells his body to be still. In his mind he's hearing Cas cry out his name over and over and his imagination is adding details, what they might have done to Cas before they called to make him sound so hurt and so desperate, and Sam thinks he might be sick now, actually. 

Sam is fine as he walks out of the library towards his room. He smiles at the people he passes, even though just now he can't quite remember their names or why they're here exactly when his angel is not. Sam is calm as he moves, faster now, to his room, he needs to get away from everyone before he loses control, before the screaming in his head bursts out of him and he can't stop it. Finally he makes it, and he closes the door, gently, and locks and bars it, carefully, every movement so controlled, so quiet, that anyone watching would think he was fine, that everything was fine. 

Sam steps away from the door and he holds his hands up in front of him and they're shaking real bad now and his breath is coming in shallow little bursts and he's whispering, praying really, Cas - Cas - Cas, over and over again, hearing his angel scream his name, over and over again, and that deep part of Sam that never truly came back from Hell is alive now and growing, and Sam needs somewhere safe right now. He doesn't even do it consciously but now he's sitting on the floor in the corner of his room, back to the wall, squeezed between the wardrobe and the wall, where he can't be seen, can't be touched, and it's like he's trying to stop the bad thing from happening but it's already happened. Cas is already… But he can't finish that thought, can't even get close. Sam closes his eyes, and the tears start to fall, as hard as he's trying not to he can't stop them and from somewhere deep in his chest comes a huge heaving sob and then he's weeping, silently, his mouth open in a scream without sound, his whole body shuddering from the effort and the unfairness of it, and from needing Cas so badly he thinks he might die. 

Suddenly, there is a sound, and Sam registers it on some subconscious level before he's even taken it in, because its the sound of angel wings, and there's really only one person who that could be, who could bypass the wards. Sam opens his eyes, hope fluttering in his heart, and in front of him, swaying slightly under the light, is Castiel, angel of the Lord. 

In one move Sam stands and in two quick paces he's there and his arms are around Cas, just feeling him, his solidity, his presence, and he can feel blood soaking his shirt from a cut on Cas's chest but it doesn't matter, none of it matters because Castiel is here and alive. Sam holds his angel tight, barely believing he's here, and his heart is soaring with the relief and joy of it. 

"Cas I thought you were…" 

And he doesn't get to finish that sentence because Cas leans into him and puts one hand on his face and the other on his collar and pulls him in to a deep kiss, and Sam feels the knot of tension and dread just dissolve inside him because his angel is here and everything is going to be alright.


End file.
